happy new year .. for real this time

ah. new beginnings. i just realised that it's a really appropriate time for thinking about what i've been thinking about today; i really got the urge to bounce these thoughts onto others (ie. you all) and listen.

so i was gesso-ing a canvas today .. but not quite: it's not really gesso-ing because i don't use gesso (i use house paint: it comes in larger volumes for cheaper prices), and it's not really gesso-ing a canvas because i don't work on canvas (i work on vinyl).

anyway, (loti) i got to thinking: 'wow, i wish i could just leave it like this: an unprimed canvas: what could be more beautiful. it's like birth. how else can one depict it?' two things shot up in my mind: (first) 'ok, but that's a huge waste of vinyl'; (and second) 'plus, that sounds like a cop-out excuse for not wanting to take a risk'.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that birth is beautiful and all (in fact, there may be little more that is more beautiful), but there are probably things that are just as beautiful. since birth is the first experience of any given thing, it follows that one experiences nothing beautiful (besides birth, which i will dare to call worthless to the subject do to the very frequent lack of memory of the event) unless they live: unless they continue the life that they were bequeathed.

if i were to just leave the thing as it is, it means that it never develops (and quite frankly, if i cared what the critics thought, i'd be terrible heart-broken to read any review ... i suppose not very many people are as sentimental as i am). but who's to say that it isn't fully developed at birth?

am i even clear? i guess this is my dilemma. should i start a million paintings and leave them at the start? or, should i start one painting and add on to it forever? should i find the happy medium? if so, what is that? is the 'happy medium' when the piece has developed to an aethetic ideal? an ideal of containing meaning? i'm crazy?

i'm on AIM more often now or just blog it; but please i yearn for dialogue.

happy new year! yey we're graduating!

.christopher.