belated retrospective

I don't know what this says about me-whether I'm excessively nostalgic or have way too much free time, but I just read Chris' amazing description of his memories of every single TASPer. It makes me sad beyond emotion, not just words, that we couldn't keep on living in that House, albeit with additions for friends and excursions once in a while. One of my friends here went to another similar, part-TASP, part Deep Springgs experience, and one of his friends from camp was up here. I see Janice once in a while, but I'm sure we don't really spend a lot of time together because it would be in the back of our minds constantly that 34 other people were missing. Last bit of trite sentimentalism: there were some friendships that could have lasted literally a lifetime (maybe they can still be salvaged), but I think the potential was amazingly there with every person. I went ot Miami and of course found Chris' number and wanted to visit him. It was really irrational, immature, and insensitive, but when we talked on the phone it seemed like the old spark wasn't there. And I projected and distorted and came to the conclusion that it will never again be there, with anyone. I hope it isn't true, and I'm glad that there are second chances. Anyway, here's my very late recap of memories with TASPers. Warning: I am already a bad writer and worse thinker, this is going to be that plus a time constraint. I am doing this for selfish purposes.
Tosin-Superficially, the best masseuse I have ever experienced. I remember marathon ping-pong sessions, grilling her endlessly about her love history, her accommodating dancing that made even me feel good about dancing, and her strange status as Maneater-she was maybe the least man-eaterish out of the lot, not because she couldn't, but because I know she wouldn't.
Janice-equilibrium I called her to myself. I remember her picture in the TASP yearbook because it was so serene. I thought she epitomized Buddhism, or what little I knew of it. Since talking to her here, I know that balanced or not, they party in Korea like the Americans wish they could.
Ashley-probaby her kinship with David and the conversations we didn't have. I remember that she lived in Texas and was reading about cmputer science one night. I asked her why and she said because she wanted to understand her boyfriend better and he was doing the same for her.
David-my obsession, I can't even lie. I irritated him to no end with my questions, but he didn't bitch slap me and for that I'm thankful. Too many memories: being introduced to Aphex Twin, meeting someone even more elitist-and deservedly so-about movies than I was, his incredible life complete with Lauryn Hill meetings and Governor's Prize-winning stories. The Pied Piper, the genius that TASP was supposed to be about and that i felt rightly overwhelmed by.
Dustin-A disciplined, Eddie-bonding machine who loved philosophy. I remember his sandals and pro-globalism stance. Really impressive in seminar, a born lawyer if I ever saw one-which I haven't but I have read John Grisham.
Jordan-probably almost literally made me want to be gay. He almost did it. A beautiful, uninhibited, brilliant person. We turned the couch into our own Gay Mafia corner with Chris and the entire time I talked to him I wondered why he was talking to me. Random occurrences like meeting a physicist bagpiper sum up his ability to get into crazy situations. We'll meet again.
Alina-thankfully we did meet again. At TASP, I just remember her and Alexis' sickening love affair that I desperately wanted a part of. She gave me a run for my money when it came to sleeping during guest speakers, and also generally being lazy and zany-but through it all she never broke down even though I found out later she was going through a really painful time.
Greg-until talking with Jordan and Chris about it, I didn't even realize how talented he was-that's how modest Greg was. I thought he was a philandering pervert after the first night, and his seductive voice, but he was really driven and was the best at never letting it bring out competitiveness or arrogance out of him.
Rachel-David described her as a sponge. What I would aspire to be if I knew it was possible-the most curious, humble, gentle person there. I remember hearing about her relationship with her friend Buzzy and actively trying to emuate similar ones at home. She scratched my hair with great finesse, and humored by attempts at philosophizing.
Brendan-Hawaii. Mellow, reminded me of Bill Walton, had an inner-nerdiness that I didn't know existed until talking with him in the basement. Also a fellow soft-heart, but not in a pussy way. Loved some strange kind of Japanese something, and was a good foil for Nikki.
Alexis-I made her cry because I was shallow and judgmental, but ever since that moment I tried to make it up. I didn't succeed, but not for lack of intention-I found out about her family and past boyfriends, and her shared love of rap. Feel bad about drunkenly calling her at 4:00 in the morning.
Brandon-my soulmate. I asked questions, and he never tired of answering them. I think that if he lived near me, I would drive to his house every day and just grill him. Also gave me an inside look at the crazy wrestling culture, and somehow managed to be ridiculously incisive and knowledgeable about philosophy and chemistry. I tried to talk to him over the phone once, but the change in medium just drove me crazy.
Chris-my best friend at TASP. At times I look back on teh convoluted love triangles that went on, and I can only laugh. I know, though, that they were painful at the time. Had every desire for an intimate male friend fulfilled. Didn't\discuss anything artistic, though I wanted to desperately, because I knew that I would never understand. You could hear him stampeding halfway across the house. Too many memories to even start.
Myself-overwhelmed. With 34 people, each of whom was smarter than anyone I'd ever met. As a result, I was consistently insecure and obsessivly curious about them, and they gave me the mini-coming of age that I needed and didn't complain.
Tina-what can I say, to be honest the first girl who ever blew me away. Smarter, more tortured, more dramatic, more embodiment of sex than anyone I'd met. Probably not the easiest first experience, but an incredible one at that. i could listen to her play piano for hours.
Rima-I knew her from a math camp that I embarrassingly couldn't handle. In spite of that, she never mentioned it. Instead, she let me mentally fondle her genius brother and also made "coming out" for me easier because of her honesty. And almost fluorescent socks.
Blaen-blunt and bold. There was a talk in the basement one night where she didn't say one placating or compromising thing. She just spoke the truth and for that reason extremely unusual.
Sid-this man is a fetish of mine. Larry David to the nth degree. Just crazy, brilliant stream of consciousness that was compounded by a hundred little eccentricities. The most fascinating person at TASP for me. Midnight freak-out sessions, extreme self-deprecation, vulnerability and honesty that made me secretly worship him, gentleness.
Seyram-black power without any of the bad connotations. I interrogated him on the roof one night, and though he was mildly disturbed he appeased me. His controlled passion during the law case stole the show. From what I hear had incredible one liners in the other seminar.
Haruko-too cool for school. Hot and thankfully not aware of it, a combination I've rarely seen. Never got to actually talk to her, tried to re-create it on AIM post-TASP. When I visit Yale, which I will in my next four years, will hunt her down. Just to talk though. Pub speak on geishas was only second to Adam's.
Isa-most likely to be famous. When I tell my friends here about TASPers and they ask who do I think will become a leader, almost unequivocally I believe that Isa will do it. Can't relate to his drive because it is so deep, but he has so many qualities that I want. A unibrow that actually works, a brain that can respond to anything and literally doesn't have to study to dominate, loved people enough to sacrifice work for it during high school.
Miriam-like Chris, got to know her more through that one night. Had a chemistry with Keegan that I tried to force with others. Love Hediwg, Rocky Horror, rock, and Latin with every ounce of her pixieish self.
Rafie-more than a roommate. We never connected because frankly he's cooler than i am. Liberal activist, poet, hot mexican lover, great soccer player. He formed an unlikely bond with Keegan, considering by TASP standards they were farthest apart ideologically. Is a real liberal-worked in a factory and lives life as if death doesn't exist.
Alex-Ella Fitzgerald, ridiculous knowledge of quotes, sexually liberated and open. Knows a shitload about French and was uncompromising sometimes in conversations which showed how much he believed in what he was saying. A New York Times liberal that made me realize that we are intellectually right. (except for you, Keegan)
Hannah-Probably stuck in her mind as incredibly insensitive asshat, which I was. Tried to curry favor with her by dancing to Spice Girls provocatively during clean-up. Failed. I remember her love for her family, her struggle and victory in adjusting, and for the first time I didn't trivialize another's experience in my mind because itthe other person seemed so good.
Adam-I admit it, I read about what great things you all are doing. The man is a Presidential Scholar who invents robots and does pure math and listens to Ghostface Killah and buys hundreds of Phish records at garage sales, says wow, plays basketball to win, works at complex things with blue-collar approach, never talks about himself. One of those people I'm intimidated by because they don't seem to acknowledge their greatness.
Linda Louie-endeared myself to her wonderfully, jk, in first few hours of TASP by having horribly shallow conversation about girls, who I didn't even know existed before TASP and vice versa. She tolerated me though and I found out about her family and some about her life, Interlochen, and let her make out with my roommate, so we're even.
Elise-Said she wanted to go to Michigan, but I knew she would go to Harvard or Yale. Genuinely fascinated by science, radiant personality, hot body (had to say it), and gave me perspective on how to live life.
Keegan-pure Irish, except a lot skinnier than I expected. Crazy, acrobatic, wonderfully violent soccer player whose attitude I tried to copy in my senior season. Amazing seminar bullshitting skills, grounded, great actor, fedora-wearing. Made me completely revise my views of the military and some aspects of Republicanism.
Eddie-If I ever come to Amherst, we're taking an impromptu trip to Peru to play soccer and eat food. Went to the mall with him, found out about Philly, the inner OG in him, his girlfriend, later found out about his struggles with his parents, by observation, and admired his Zen calm and was confused by Dustin-esque early sleeping and ping-pong skills.
Nikki-though her act is wonderfully convincing, the most soft-hearted cynic I have seen. Southern and smart, fiery and gentle, had that incredibly attractive, combative personality that I hope to find some day. Yes, I admit it, I was in love with several girls at TASP. Polyamore is not that bad.
Nancy-Equilibrium no. 2. So polished and accomplished, but had so many other qualities except for grace-deep faith, ability to handle intense school like IMSA, love of romantic comedies, hope to find Chinese soulmate. It was with her and several others that I realized there was a caliber of girls that I simply was not good enough for.
Dara-I'm sure equally disgusted by my shitty papers, the only part of the experience that I really regret-completely being enveloped in the social aspect and wasting the intellectual classroom aspect-and laughable sexual orientation confusion. But never criticized, instead was understanding and let me objectify her for her character flavor and love for hip-hop.
Christian-in keeping with the factota who saw through my non-existent intellect. Asked me innocently about Economics on the way to the cofffee shop (combined with PDA talk about Tina), and I proceeded to make an idiot of myself. Completely rebutted my entire Pub Speak talk and of course was exactly right about future of movies. Saw right through my contrived, uninformed distaste for the direction of movies. Creator of Fluxus mania, inadvertently, and went to Deep Springs. Enough said.
Amina-unfortunately never got to know her. Knew that she was versatile, along with everyone else, and was in awe of fact that she managed the kitchen and college at the same time-sounds stupid but it's what was in my head.
Nathan-gentle, sat through incredibly bad, deliciously so, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Was almost decapitated during hide and go seek and I mercilessly chided Jordan for having an ephemeral crush on him, probably because I was jealous.
Kate-completely overlooked her large contribution, but I'll chalk that up to suburban teenage self-absorption. Made eclectic meals that I ate to the tune of 15 pounds gained by the end of TASP.

Thanks for putting up with this if you read it, I apologize for the content, but I had to do it. I love you all, we will meet again.